another moral hangover. fuck.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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