No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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