I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
