Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
