you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
