There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
