Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
