I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
