we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
