No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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