hotel room ftw
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Found the puke drawer
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
