every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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