Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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