Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
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