I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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