Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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