Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
