You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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