So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
