meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
