All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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