My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
40s are totally the cure
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
