So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
