Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
