I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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