Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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