im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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