vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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