we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
