ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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