i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
