i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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