Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
