So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
