Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
