I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
