I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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