theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
