Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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