just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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