I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
