Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
