his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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