i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
