I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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