I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I am naked and annoyed.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
