Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
