I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
