i will never coherently bang her
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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