woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
