I'm drive I can fine osifer
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
