accomplished twins. life is a go
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
